Amy, dear Amy, how you shook me up...

When this great artist died I was shook up. Still am actually. Just like when Ryan Dunn died. I was even more shook up by the death of Ryan. How I loved that guy! It probably was his own fault but nevertheless he did not deserve it.

That brings me to, do you EVER deserve to die? Sometimes life seems unfair. It keeps spinning in my mind.

My parents both died. My mother kind of knew she was not going to get old. She always made statements that kind of made that clear. She talked about grandchildren when I was 16. She would have loved to be a grandmother. She never got to be one.

Did she deserve to die? She probably did since she faught cancer four times. She was tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of waiting in anticipation of her death. Also we were tired. Always shook up when the phone rang at strange hours. The last time the doctor said "your mother has cancer". I knew this time, my mum would not win the fight. She knew it too. No one asked how and what would be done. We all knew "this is it". We all knew my mum would be leaving us. She had had enough.

The days following were hard. I felt this was it. I tried to tell my siblings. They looked at me as if I had personally signed her deathcertificate. It was a strong feeling, I wanted to warn them to take care of unsolved 'business' as now maybe was the last chance...

I was right. I feel things and should be taken serious as it comes to this. Now, they know.

My dear mother. Cancer at 23. Bad hearth at 37. Cancer at 43,44 and died of cancer at 49. I miss her. Even though we did not get along. I miss her.

Amy, girl. Find peace, wherever you are. Keep jamming! Amy tell my mother and father I love them and give them a big hug. We will miss you all and are missing you already. Life is cruel and unfair, you better have a big concert up there, would be a shame not to use your talent! Keep rocking until I get there!

My deceased dad talking and explaining..

Well... I AM drunk at the time. Wel drunk, drunk, a little bit influenced by alcohol.

I started wondering... How come you appreciate your family that much more when drunk? Sometimes I regret not being drunk more often when my parents were alive. Then they would realise that much more how I appreciated them. Even though our youth was crap and they were crappy parents, they were MY parents. I really miss them. I sometimes curse them and I sometimes despise them but I love them and miss them so much..

I dreamt last night that they were death and live and kicking at my home. I live in my parents house and dream they are alive and well and living with us, all the time.

Well last night I dreamt this again and my psychiatrist (yes, I am seeing a psychiatrist just because I am a human), well he advised me to confront them. So in my dream I asked my dad why he was here, him being dead and all. He answered; " They don't need me yet upstairs, so I am keeping you company". Then I asked him about him visiting my son (in reality, my 2 year old is talking to a granddad in his room when he is supposed to go to sleep, all the time.), I asked him if it was him, my son is talking about. He answered 'yes it is me, he is a bundle of joy and I want him to know your father".


This dream was strange but also explained the lights flickering, the cooker turning on by itself and my son playing with his granddad.


How strange... Really miss them, and I wonder, is this dream how it really is? Would explain a lot!

Strange european habits..

Here in Holland the weather has been really nos so summery lately. Usually it is about 25 degrees celcius here but lately it has been raining almost every day. People here in Holland are known for their vacations with their caravans (trailer?). When you drive along european freeways it is a almost certain bet that every caravan you see it from a Dutch. They come in all shapes and sizes and every dutch person has been in one at one time in their life.

In spring of this year the weather here was great 25 degreees celcius and you could sunbathe all you want (April, May, June). So many dutch people did not reserve a holiday abroad because they wanted to go to a campinsite instead, with such good weather, why go abroad? Well as usual the weather here kind of changes very much and now the weather is well, sucky. So all these people try to get a holiday abroad and these agencies now are having the time of their life.

I wonder if they have these kind of strange habits somewhere else? I know for instance German people at the beach here always dig a hole to lay in sunbathing (not all offcourse but a lot). Well kind of intrigues me these habits, must look into it.

Well tonight I am meeting a friend and we are going to have drinks, wonder if that turns out ok ;)

Talk to you later.

It has been a while. Well have not been feeling to well lately maybe it is caused by the shaking up when I had the accident or it is just the weather?

Have been looking into the online earning and I am about to give up. Ok I like writing the blog but really it is not earning me. That is ok. The referrals at other sites are just not coming and well I have to put in too much time. Time I could spend on things that matter more to me.

Today I got nothing special planned but this could change instantly, who knows?

Well maybe later I will add something spectacular.... wait and see.

The festival at the ruins was a great succes. It was too bad the weather was not so cooperative. It rained almost the entire time.

Hurt but alive and well

Well, I am recovering from the accident. I still feel every muscle in my body and it hurts! I also have several bruises and well I look like I was beaten up. Still I am glad that all I have is some minor enjuries.




My car probably will be a goner. There is too much damage to fix so I probably just get a little money for it.






Too bad I always loved that car, fast, small and reliable. All good things come to an end and this end has come in a second notice.












Tomorrow I have a party. Really looking forward to it. I have something to celebrate too, I am still here. I have not heard from the other driver. Was hoping he would come with flowers or something but he was shook up too I guess!

Here in the village now are summerparties at the ruins of a castle. This always is very fun and I just took a look earlier.

Party at castle ruins

Well so far for now, talk to you soon!

accident

Got the scare of my life yesterday. I was driving to a store with 80 km/hour. I approached a crossroad. There was a car waiting to go left on my right. He was driving slowly toward the road I was driving at, he stopped, then started driving slowly toward the road, he stopped. The driver looked to my side of the road and I was sure he had seen me. Then all of a sudden, he drove slowly on the road where I was approaching (this sounds like it took ages for me to get to that crossroad, this seems to be, in matter of fact it was a matter of seconds but in your experience it seems to take hours, all in slow motion). He got on the road, and I could not act like I should. Should I quickly go right or brake or.... I was panicking and did... nothing. I stared him in hos face, he quickly tried to give more gas and I crashed into him. He had a combo and hit him at the back. After a while (seconds, minutes?) I got awake.

I had to pick up my legs because the pedals where all pushed inside. The guys in the combo where all blurry too, they were picking up their tools that lay all over the street.

It is strange to experience a crash, I looked at the over thinking, oh my gosh, am I going to kill this guy???

Everything turned out okay. Nobody was hurt, unbelievable because it all happened so fast and I was driving kind of fast. Called my friend, she said there was an angel on my shoulder. Must have been, heard stories of people crashing at much lower speeds that were enjured for life or worse that were dead!

Today I am reliving this incident over and over and over and over. Did I react well, should I have done it differently. On the otherside, in my thoughts it took minutes but for real it were seconds to make a decision. The guy was hesitating and when I was at 3 meters distance off him, he decided to ride across. I could not have done something else.

I am just sick of this accident, really afraid of driving now. Should go driving later or melse I might not ever start again. The muscle ache is killing me. The blast shook me all over and I feel muscles where I did not realise I had any. The important thing is, We all made it out in one piece, no scratches just shook up!

sunday, church

Well today it is sunday. We have to go to church. Yes that is right. I go to church. I think it is a good way to stay in touch with myself and my family. I lost my parents a while ago and I think the idea of a heaven is a relief. Thinking my parents are still watching over us is comforting.

Although I live a good life with partying, I also keep the ideas of the bible at heart and in mind.

After church, well family is coming. So it will be a fun day with nothing too spectacular but nevertheless a good day!

Tour de france

Well not the thing you wanted to read about..







I am not a real tour de france fan, however I used to do fietscross (bicyclecross?). I was on a bike with a helmet on doing laps on a trach with bumps and whoever got in first wins. I was actually not so bad at it but lost my interest after 10 years. Now I hardly ever use the bike anymore.

Now the Tour de France is taking place and well I catch myself watching it almost everyday. My friends and I started a tour-poule and everyday I am curious about how I did. Wonder if someone outside europe is watching this or that it is only popular here?

Well Armstrong used to be in it but he is not participating this year. Well please let me know if you watch and why, I am so curious!

Does anybody know bicycle cross outside europe?

Well this was my blogentry for now, will be back with more personals...

Well this making money on internet is not really as easy as it sounds. Been surfing for hours and read like a million words al sounding like gibberish to me. Traffic, referral, Now I know what these things mean but really it is not easy to learn about it. When I tell my friend about referrals and adsense, he just looks at me like he sees water burning. He does not know what I am talking about. None of my friends do. Well every group of friends must have a noob among them, or dont they?

My girlfriend, Suus, the one hooking up with her boss. Has found a new job. She will be working there by the end of the month. I am wondering if Suus is going to have a farewell party. A farewell part at her old job, with two invites I must ad. By the look of things, they probably will. I hope she will tell me all about it, so I can put it down here, just for the fun of it. Lol!

Today I went to Eindhoven with some other friends and we went to have drinks. This was amusing. Little boys came to us, and started flirting. Lol! Well we look young but we are not.



"How old do you think I am?", I asked Ron. One of the boys. "You must be around 23, definately not over 25". I almost pissed myself. "How cute", I told him. He told me he was 19 and liked the 'older women'. When I told him I was 31 he turned white as a sheet but then he looked even more eager and started getting more drinks. Well, I kindly told him that he was definately too young for my taste. I really like more mature boys and he... well.. he did not even have a beard growing yet. The rest I will tell tomorrow. Why tomorrow? Because my guess is, tomorrow will be so boring that I probably can safe todays good stories for tomorrow!

Well today was a bit boring. Should be some days boring, dont you think. The little ones were really annoying and cranky. Well just cant have all spectacular days.



Talked to my friend on the phone. Things between her and her boss are still going great. She had an interview today for a job in another shop. I am hoping for her she gets the job, however she tought the workers were not really looking kind but well looks can be deceiving. And she really wants to get out of her old job so she feels she has no choice.



My brother went to Paris and had the time of is life, went up the eiffeltower and did all the tourist stuff. Great he has been enjoying himself!

Well that is all about this boring day, see you next time!

Juicy stuff

Well a friend of mine is working in a supermarket. She has a crush on her boss for months now. Everytime I see her, she tells me how wonderfull he is and how cute she thinks he is. Sometimes it literally drives me insane. Well last week she told me something that made my ears burn.

She told me she was working late because she had promissed her boss she would help cleaning out the offices above the supermarket. The offices are for administration and also the boss has one there. It had to have a thorough cleaning since it has been ages it was done. The boss told her, she would get payed overtime and offcourse she agreed.

When the rest of the staff were gone the two of them went to the offices. My friend took a bucket and some cleaning cloths upstairs. She asked her boss exactly what had to be cleaned. (I know this might has well been a story right of a book, thats why it is so unbelievable)

The boss took the bucket out of her hand and threw it on the floor. My friend told me she was really shocked when he did that. After that he asked her if he could kiss her since he had a crush on her for ages and could not take it anymore. My friend played it cool and said: 'oow did not realise that'. She took his face and gave him a kiss. After that they went to his office and something got cleaned, but it was not the office. If you know what I mean?!

The following day she came to me and told me this story. Unbelievable! Wished she would talk less about him but now I am afraid it well get worse. Since then she had a few dates and they are really hitting it of. Their first meeting was steaming and now they are serious about trying to be together. The only thing is, they have to do it secretaly because he is her boss. Now she is anxious to start working somewhere else so she could show him off. I am really happy for her this might work out for her and hope she will find another job soon.

Well just short.. the juicy part is yet to follow.

Today I was surfing to look for referrals and hints and tips to get more. Well I was just learning stuff every second. Affiliate marketing, referral programs?? My gosh, did not even know they existed.

Looking back I was not really brought up using computers but learned real quick, when we finally had one. We did not have internet at home until 2 years ago. Did some surfing though, at the library or at work but not as much as nowadays.

This must be really boring to read, but I am just curious. Do you have a method to get your referrals?

further with my diary. Tomorrow an apointment with a doc. Regarding my health. Hoping nothing to worry about but I guess it will be ok.

After the appointment, seeing an old friend. We are having drinks in Eindhoven, the city were she and I both went to school (not together) and both have good memory's about. Hoping there is some people because usually it is quiet on mondays, but heey we will start our own party!

Oh yeah, should have put the juicy stuff here.. it will follow. Got to have more time to write THAT all down.

cu soon

juicy night

Well had a few beers with friends tonight and boy did we have agood time. Firstly I will get some sleep now because it is getting late and the sentences are floating across the screen (got to fix my screen tomorrow), (or is it me??).

Well the juicy details will follow, GOT to be sober to tell, otherwise... well nothing just got to sleep now..

Oh yeah also published the blog on

Humor blog

Just wanted to let you know!

Have a good night you all!

Well, back again. After trying for ten times... wait let me check.. yes no error 400 this time. Dam.. Ityped this big blog and when I wanted to publiss it was all gone..

well nevermind. The last few days not really that much happened. Had a nice evening with my sister at the kermis and had a great time. First went to eat and afterwards we went to the attractions. It was about ten when we left cause she had to work the day after.


I am so glad it is thursday already. Finally weekend! Long for those two days of doing next to nothing and chilling. Has been a rough week with the kermis an all, lol.

We had been to germany last weekend to do some shopping, that was really great. Funny how you can drive for forty minutes and instantly have a vacation feeling.



some german impressions, and yes even in germany they have mcDonalds!

We went to germany to do some shopping. I heard from friends that the shops had so much more choice than here and well I wanted to check for myself. My conclusion, yes they do have more choice and it is great. They have a supermarket, butcher, bakery,musicstore,liquorshop and even a turkish delight shop all in one store. No need to drive up and down the street, just park and go and have a look. "Kaufland", that is a store were I will be going more often. It was really worth driving! And afterwards I had a delicious german sausage with mustard!





Well its getting late, so have a good night! Don't let the bedbugs bite!